The tragic irony of the following gifts is that it’ll make the parents’ lives absolutely hell, but the children absolutely love these products. So while you feel a sense of Schadenfreude at the parents, you can justify your moral conundrum by knowing the kids actually like the presents.
Whether you are a childless young adult like me, or perhaps a parent who wants to get revenge on Timmy’s parents for buying your kid a drum set, this list will help you out.
5. Glitter or any kind of sand
Have you ever tried getting rid of glitter? It’s impossible. You vacuum over it and think it’s all gone, but somehow it remains. Little girls especially love glitter products and there are even some products that combine glitter with sand. It’s like the duo from hell. This gift is guaranteed to have the parents dealing with glitter for days or maybe even months.
Hot Tip: Don’t just buy a bottle of glitter for the child. It needs to be an actual toy or some sorts, otherwise it just becomes too obvious to the parents that you hate them. You need to be subtle.
Click here for my suggested product.
Legos are some of the most popular toys in the world. Kids love them and somehow manage to dodge stepping on them. Mom and dad do not. There is literally a scientific reason why stepping on Legos hurts so much. There are 200,000 sensory receptors on the bottom of each foot. Given that Legos can withstand up to 950 pounds of weight, stepping on one means your body weight will have zero impact on the tiny brick of death. So all the pressure goes back into your foot, causing extreme pain in all those sensory receptors.
The skinny is that they hurt and are hard to keep track of.
Hot Tip: Go with the classic when it comes to Legos. Any sort of model, like an X-Wing, will include longer pieces which do not hurt at much. Classic is best. This is my suggested buy.
3. Anything That Can Die
Kids absolutely love pets, but many parents are ambivalent towards them and are very choosy. Make it easy for them by just buying the bird yourself and give it to little Suzie. Unlike other gifts, a pet is very difficult for parents to get rid of. There is a sentimental connection the child forms with the pet. Furthermore, there is an incredible amount of upkeep associated with pets, none of which the child ever takes part in. This makes life difficult for the parents as they not only have another mouth to feed, but also another source for poop.
Hot Tip: Birds are loud and live for a long time.
2. Toy guns
Extremely annoying and fun, toy guns can be a moral and physical nuisance to parents. Many parents nowadays feel that toy guns perpetuate a culture of violence. If your parent friends are trendy types who follow hashtags, then they will definitely become morally offended by toy guns. Even if the parents don’t care about the morality around these toys, guns are inherently meant to shoot something. It may be a giant nerf gun, shooting styrofoam bullets or water guns, which cause a slippery mess. In either case, you will become hated by the parents and beloved by the child.
Hot Tip: One word. Volume. Don’t be afraid to splurge a little bit on this gift and get the toy gun that has a large capacity for whatever it’s going to be shooting. Click here for my recommendation.
1. Musical Instruments
It doesn’t get any better than this, or in the parents case, any worse. Whether it’s a drum set or a karaoke machine, you will basically burn your bridge with the parents. Now when it comes to choosing an instrument, many sadists will instinctively go towards the drum set and why not. Drum sets are loud and take up space. They are a solid choice...for an amateur.
What is the single most annoying instrument in the world? Do you know? It may be the single most annoying sound you’ve ever heard.
It is the legendary Kazoo. A Kazoo pierces the ear drums in a way drums cannot. Plus they are compact, so kids can bring them on long car rides. This is something they cannot do with the drums.
HOT TIP: Buy a metal one. The plastic ones are prone to “accidentally breaking.” Click here for my recommended product.
Now that you have a handy guide for future gift giving, you are pretty much guaranteed to no longer be asked for gifts in the future. Consider this list an economic investment, as well as a fun way to mess with people. But most importantly, these are all gifts that kids truly love, despite the migraines caused for everyone around them.